This is me when I was 10. I remember asking God one day, “Why did you make me a girl?” I felt so frustrated & uncomfortable in my own skin. I wanted to be a boy more than anything.
Maybe it was because I was the only girl my age in our neighborhood. If I were a boy, maybe I’d be accepted & belong. Maybe it was because I felt powerless when my older sister died. If I were a boy, maybe I’d be strong enough to stop bad things from happening. Maybe, if I were a boy, I could rewrite my own sad story.
But God didn’t answer that prayer. I grew up, & I stayed a girl. And although I struggled for years to understand myself, God was loving & kind, constantly affirming who he’d made me to be:
Girl. Woman. Mother. Wife. Jesus-Follower.
This is me now, & I’m so grateful. Because if I’d rejected my identity, there would have been so much pain, sadness & confusion inside of me. But even worse than that- if I’d ignored God’s voice to pursue my own feelings, I would have run away from the One who not only made me, but loves me; & that would have been tragic. I didn’t create myself- He made me, so how can I re-make myself? I’m too blinded by my own sinful heart to even begin to define myself.
I’ve been conquered by the weaponless love of the cross, & I’m thankful. In giving up control of my own destiny, I’ve found freedom, peace & purpose. The burden of defining myself has been lifted from my shoulders. All I’m called to do is follow Him. And now I know that my true identity can only be found in Christ.
Jesus has made it impossible for me to do whatever I want with my life. Like I sing in my song Man of Sorrows, “Write the pages of my story, as you only know the way it goes.”
Who am I? I’m His. I’m a new creation. He took away my sin, & gave me His righteousness in its place. I’m so glad He’s the one writing my story.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” – 2 Corinthians 5:17
“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” – 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
“…Does the clay say to him who forms it, ‘What are you making?…” – Isaiah 45:9